Deactivating Facebook [Why I Left, and Why I’m Coming Back]

why I quit facebook

by Leila Grandemange

Have you ever contemplated leaving facebook?

If you have, you’re not alone. Apparently deactivating facebook it’s a widely searched internet topic. But why leave???

That’s a very good question, and one I’d been contemplating for almost a year. So here’s my story, about why I left facebook, and why I came back. Maybe something I’ve experienced will help you decide what road to take.

Leaving facebook was actually a struggle . . .

I wondered if I’d miss out on exciting news and events, fun photos from family and friends, or if I’d miss those awesomely friendly Birthday reminders . . .  I’d probably forget my own Birthday if it wasn’t for Facebook! Nevertheless, something within my spirit was pulling me away from Facebook, and I had to find out why.

Before I tell my story however, I’d like to give a brief history of Facebook for those who are not too familiar with it in order to place my experience in context.

Facebook was created by Mark Zukerberg in 2004 in his college dorm with roommates Dustin Moskovitz and Chris Hughes. It was built to accomplish a social mission— “to make the world more open and connected.” I’m not sure its founders realized at the time the huge impact their invention would have on the world and how people interact. Today, Facebook is the largest social network in the world—last update in 2016 showing 1.65 billion monthly active users! Every 15 minutes Facebook is also adding 7,246 people, or 8 per second. Given these stats, it’s no wonder so many people feel almost obliged to join in order to stay connected with their friends  and the world around them. Social networking tools such as Facebook have clearly demonstrated their potential as powerful communication and collaboration tools (both with positive and negative effects) in the social, political, and educational arenas of life.  Being aware of the positives and the pitfalls can help us to avoid lots of heartache.

This brings me to my first point— why I eventually left.

Time Management

One of the pitfalls for me was time management.

According to analysts from Needham, Facebook’s billions of active users around the world spend an average of 20+ minutes per day on FB liking, commenting, and scrolling through updates.

Mark Zuckerberg states that the US consumer spends about 40 minutes per day! If you add that up over the years, that’s a lot of time spent doing . . . well,  I’m not sure what. Anyway, I got to thinking about time, and how precious it is. We say we will only spend 5 minutes on Facebook and then we get caught up in a thread of comments, a funny post, or an interesting link that catches our eye like the bait on the end of a fishing rod and before we know it those minutes have magically turned from 5, to 15, to 30, and then an hour has passed and the dinner is not prepared, the ironing is still waiting in a pile, and that much-needed walk with our dog will just have to wait another day.  Oh, and most importantly, somehow we didn’t catch the signals of a child wanting to talk about a rough school day, and missed a wonderful opportunity to encourage those we love the most—our family!

A few years ago, while my kids were still at home, we were at the table eating dinner as one happy family. Sadly, there were also a few unwelcome guests—our Iphones—and we looked to them each time the ding sound went off to announce an incoming message. We were connected with the “world”, but not with our own family . Thankfully, it wasn’t always like that. My daughter came home from Bible Study one day and shared that the leader asked all the kids to place their phones in the center of the table at the start of the meeting so that they could give each other their undivided attention while they shared. What a brilliant idea I thought! Soon after we also adopted a similar protocol, and even though we didn’t create a center piece at the table with our phones, we each made a conscious decision to disconnect with the “world” and reconnect with those present. Now the kids are grown and living on their own.  If only I could press the rewind button and redo those precious missed opportunities . . . but we all live and learn, praise God!

A more recent event that caused me to reflect further on how I spent my time, was the tragic passing of a loved one. . .

It was Thanksgiving of 2015, my beautiful young sister-in-law Myriam and her companion came for a visit. She’d been battling cancer for many years, and this was the first time I’d seen her in ages. I was immediately struck by her genuine smile and gracious words. She never seemed to complain either, and always expressed her gratitude . . . even for the smallest things. She was also tuned in to her surroundings, and like an angel she’d fly in at a moment’s notice to lend a helping hand if needed. As we interacted during their stay, I never saw her checking her phone—distracted by Facebook or any other social media, not even her emails. She was “present” in all our interactions and conversations . . . she made eye contact, listened attentively, and somehow her presence made me feel very special. I was very intrigued by her unique outlook on life and ability to stay positive given her battle with cancer. So I decided to get her input on whether I should stay on Facebook or deactivate my account explaining that I’d been feeling a bit overwhelmed by some aspects of it. I can’t recall her exact words, but she said something to the effect that time becomes even more precious when you’re dealing with cancer. Suddenly how one uses their seconds, minutes, and days really matters, and everything takes on new meaning and perspective. She then asked me why I used Facebook? I stopped and thought . . . and thought . . . then I said, “I’m not really sure . . . but I do enjoy sharing God’s love through Facebook, and keeping in touch with friends. I also enjoy seeing photos of loved ones, as well as their adorable pets. But there are also many things on Facebook that I don’t enjoy such as unnecessary images that pop up in my news feed and careless words . . . and I’m especially saddened when I hear about folks fussing and fighting.” Then she asked me, “Do you really need Facebook in your life? Does it make you happier?” Again, I had to stop and question . . . which led to studying the whole social media phenomena and its effects on society. I eventually came to the conclusion that during that season of my life, Facebook was not enhancing it . . . and so I left. Sadly, our beloved Myriam passed away the next month leaving us all with a huge hole in our heart.

But she left countless precious memories for so many people and a  deeper awareness of the meaning of life— to live each precious moment to the fullest—undistracted, aware, present,  and engaged—with those we love.

Her smile, peaceful spirit, happy countenance, and words of wisdom will live on in our hearts.

Dear friends, the founders of Facebook had an admirable goal—”to make the world more open and connected.” But they missed an important question that each one of us should reflect upon— More open to what . . . more connected to whom? The world is a mighty big place!

How do our connections ( people, information, images) make us feel? Are we happier after time spent on Facebook, or sense stress and anxiety?

Interestingly, a quick search on the internet reveals that a large portion of Facebook users feel less happy after their time spent interacting on Facebook. As a result, many are leaving and opting for a simpler lifestyle “disconnected” from social media. I can’t really blame them, and have tasted the sweetness of this simpler life while being “disconnected” from Facebook, TV, and even emails for a period.  Being “open and connected” to the WORLD can be a dangerous concept if one is not careful. I would venture to say that none of us would leave our front door open to the world in real life. Why then would we leave ourselves vulnerable to the world via Facebook? Many people who join dive right into cyber space with little knowledge of how to secure their personal information or manage the settings to protect their privacy or peace of mind. And then there’s the news feed. You don’t even have to be on Facebook 30 seconds for an unwanted image to pass across your screen and sicken your heart. Learning how to manage the settings of your news feed and carefully considering who you “friend” on Facebook is also important. But again, all this is time-consuming, and most people either don’t know, don’t have the time, or maybe just don’t care. But the Bible offers us these wise words that we can apply to all our activities, including social media—

“Therefore be careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16).

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise . . . then the God of peace will be with you.”(Philippians 4:8-9).

I don’t think the founders of Facebook intended for us to lose our peace and security. Nevertheless, it happens every day. This is just another of the pitfalls of life on Facebook.

So why come back to Facebook you may ask?

Well, to be honest, I’m still a bit hesitant, but I’ve missed my friends from afar . . . it’s true that Facebook does help us to stay in touch. This is especially nice if (like me) you have family spread all over the world! I’ve also missed posting daily or weekly inspirational thoughts, as well as reading uplifting posts by friends.

What I’ve realized while being away, disconnected if you will, is that Facebook is not the real culprit, it’s humanity. Facebook simply brings all of humanities qualities, both the good and not so good, to our door. Then we are given choices . . . 

Do we really need to open our door to everyone or everything that comes knocking? 

Do we really need to post everything that comes to mind? 

Do we even really need to be on Facebook every day? 

Facebook can be a distraction, much like any other distraction in life. The problem lies within us, not without. We simply need to make a mental priority list and then exercise self-control so that we keep it. 

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” —Psalm 90:12

Now that I have my priorities in order, with God’s help, I can return to Facebook and reconnect with family and friends and all the positive aspects of Facebook, as time permits of course. But before taking the plunge, I needed to ensure that I could navigate the waters and manage my time wisely in order to stay happily afloat. So I took my dilemma to Jesus—John 15:4 says, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

If I connect with Jesus first, through worship, the study of God’s Word, and prayer, before checking social media or emails, or rushing about my daily chores, He will show me how to use time wisely.

There are only so many minutes in a day, and there’s so much to do really— family and home to care for (cooking healthy meals, cleaning, errands . . .), the dogs to care for (grooming, exercising, training . . .), and even caring for myself—eating right, exercising, taking more time to pray and read God’s Word, building relationship near me, and even finishing that good book that’s been calling from the shelf.  And of course there’s our “jobs”, whether that be a paying job, volunteer work, or a hobby. . . so much to do, and only so much time. What will we prioritize?

truly believe that once we learn to manage our time, like stewards of a precious gift, we will be more hopeful and happy people. Ultimately, managing our time is about priorities and self-control.  Setting priorities comes from knowing what’s truly important in our lives. And self-control (one of the fruits of the Spirit, Gal. 5:22-23), comes as we mature in faith. Hallelujah!

I’ll leave you with a final image. . .

Facebook is like a house. Who you invite, what you discuss, and how much time you spend there is up to you. And if the whole experience has become slightly addictive, you may need to give yourself a little vacation, get out of the house, and reconnect with the “real” world, nature, your precious family, and with God.

I’ll never forget the time spent with my precious sister-in-law, undistracted by social media or phones. It was so refreshing. . .

None of us knows our last day on earth . . . but what if we lived life as if it was our last day?

How would we use our time on earth differently?

How would we use Facebook differently, or would we use it at all?

Facebook is actually rather insignificant in light of eternity. But, (IMHO) HOW we spend our time is VERY significant in light of eternity.

I’ve heard it said that time is money. I prefer to think that time is life . . . time well spent is a life well lived!

So live well my friends, whether you choose to be on social media or not. Life is so much more! May the joys of a simpler life be yours.

By Leila Grandemange  

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4 thoughts on “Deactivating Facebook [Why I Left, and Why I’m Coming Back]

  1. Leila, thank you so much for your thoughts and insight on the positive and negative aspects of Facebook. Your message hit close to home for me, because when I got my diagnosis of Mantle Cell Lymphoma in 2009, considering what things were worthy of my time was most definitely on my mind, including Facebook. I knew that I wanted to share my faith and my progress with many family and friends during my treatments. Being evangelistic has never been a strength for me. I am more of an administrator/helper kind of person. But when you are faced with the possibility that your life could end a lot sooner than you ever thought, your priorities do change. Some can become bitter at God. But I was not bitter. Instead, my faith became stronger, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to share my faith. Initially I had an email distribution list. I believe you were on that list. But there were many more people I wanted to share with, and Facebook was the answer. There are still some friends not on Facebook, but most are.
    Since that time, I’ve proclaimed my faith in God, and His plan for each of our lives, many times on Facebook in my Notes section. I continue to add updates in the Notes whenever I have any news. The many prayers of others, expressed to me on Facebook by family and friends during this time, have been a blessing to me. And I try to do the same for any friends or family who are in the need of prayer. I believe in prayer. But I also know that God’s answer to our prayers is not always going to be the answer we want. I am content anyway, knowing that God’s plan is the right plan for each of us.
    This year is a particularly tumultuous year in politics as you have probably seen on Facebook. There are some very harsh discussions going on. At the start of 2016, I told myself I would try to be better about being critical and try to be more positive. (Thank you for being such a good role model for that!). I have not been as successful at being positive on Facebook as I had hoped. Mainly because it saddens me that the morals and values in the world (including the USA) are declining at a rapid rate. It not only saddens me, it frustrates me that people can’t see the forest for the trees. Many are living in a dream world, oblivious to what is going on in the world. Yet I know God is in control, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I’ve been guilty of sharing news or my opinion about politics. And if I have ever offended you or others, it was not my intent. There has never in history been a mass communication method available to so many people, like Facebook. It and other social media are being exploited for evil, by evil people. If Facebook went away for everyone, evil would still exist. If guns went away, evil would still exist.
    Confining your audience through the use of privacy settings is probably the best way to isolate yourself from all of the hate and rudeness and ignorance on Facebook. There are very few people I’ve blocked on Facebook (2 or 3). They were confrontational, vulgar and very obviously it was not in my best interest to remain connected to them. If someone wants to be connected, if I know them, I will usually accept their offer to connect. But that can create one of the problems you mentioned, a problem with time management. With several hundred people on one’s friends list, you can easily spend more than an hour each day, if you want to try and see most of them are sharing on Facebook. I can remember that before Facebook, you had no idea what an old friend’s life was like, (i.e., kids, grand-kids, vacations, pets, moves to another city, job changes, weddings, funerals, etc) unless you called each other or emailed each other. In a lot of ways, it was much more efficient than Facebook. If someone wanted you to know something they would directly contact you. If you wanted them to know something, you would directly contact them. That’s still possible. So you could conclude that Facebook allows you to learn about your family and friends without them initiating a direct contact with you (but still you only see what they put on Facebook).
    I find the best conversations with family and close friends, the most meaningful conversations, are on the phone or in person. I will always remember the conversations on the phone with my daughter as I was going through chemo. Just like the story you shared about sitting down with your sister-in-law. I still have those conversations with my daughter, and some family and the closest friends. But not on Facebook.
    Your message about Facebook was very well timed, in this chaotic time. It will remind me to trust God more, and to try harder to spend more quality time with family and friends. Originally doctors expected me to relapse in 1 to 3 years. This August I will have been in remission 6 years. Doctors are not sure why. One doctor expected my life to end within a year, that was in December 2009 when he told me that. Only God knows, and I need to try and use my time wisely. Other should do the same, even if they are not facing an imminent end of their lives. We will all face that time one day. I’ve lost my mom, dad, and a brother and a nephew, those last 3 since I was diagnosed.
    You and your family are one of the most genuine, insightful, caring, thoughtful families I have ever known. Your faith shines brightly and warms our hearts. And it is a privilege and honor for me, that our paths crossed. And from what I can gather, your family touches many other lives in the same way. Thank you, and may God continue to bless your family.
    Larry & Susan


    1. Dearest Larry, I just logged in to check my blog and read your touching message. Wow! My heart and mind and everything within me was thinking, God is so good, to teach and guide us even through the painful valleys. What an amazing testimony you have! Dominique and I read your message together. Both of us feel blessed to know you, and both of us have been tremendously inspired by your strong faith and trust in God through the cancer ordeal. I’m so incredibly thankful to God for your remission, and especially for your witness. I agree with what you’re saying about FB, and I think it is so awesome that you’ve been able to use it to share your faith. God is teaching us to number our days…. truly these are chaotic times. So much suffering, all over the world. May God have mercy and help us all. From the emails I’ve read from you over the years, you’ve always been very positive, and one thing I recall from reading those emails is how invested you were in your care, and thoughtful, and trusting in God. Each time I was inspired. I am so happy you shared this, and I hope many will read it here. God bless you dear friend. Love in Christ, Leila and Dominique


  2. Romans 8:28 hung on my office wall for many years. It was a good way to start conversation with visitors in my office. But with my cancer diagnosis, it became much more real, and inspired me to trust God with my life. God has blessed me in every way, my entire life, and continues to do so even now.

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